On homicidal decisions and laughing about it

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To be honest, the past few days have been bad. I can’t really speak for other people but I have been on a crazy roller coaster ride lately.

In this week, I had quality conversations with 2 people. Most parts were pretty personal but I guess every thing that is important really cannot not be taken personally.

I learned from these talks that I am allowed to do whatever it is that I want to do. This is not a matter of luck, but of choice. And wherever it is that life catapults us to, it’s always towards a target. If it does not work out, we could always fling ourselves back or fling ourselves away. Second is that I don’t have to explain myself. For some, I have made awful decisions and I have hurt people but I believe they are better for it. And I truly wish them all the best.

I made choices and I made them because I knew it was right for me to do so. I guess some things are better left that way. I am not anymore in that age where I need to care about what people think of me. Let them talk, I say. The people I care about don’t think of me that way (except maybe for Kayce, who thinks I’m a B.) We should always be focusing on our own happiness. Sometimes selfishness isn’t a bad thing. It allows you to find yourself.

The jarring truth is this:
The straight road you have set for yourself will bend, abruptly — almost causing you to crash.

And as a control-freak, this does not sit well with me. I have made so many lists in my existence. Bucket lists, places to go to, things to design, books to read, movies to see, dream jobs, possible baby-daddies (trivia: #1 is Paolo Nutini). But they never go my way.

My two cents on any problem:

There is always a cure for anything. And I think the best one that has worked for me since forever is humor. I have laughed through the scariest and most awkward situations. And it helped. Laughter helps. Trust me, it will save you.

With that note, I’d like to thank the people that made me laugh at times when I don’t even want to smile. And now, I’m choosing options that will push me beyond my comfort zone. It will be hard but I’m doing this for me with a big, creepy grin on my face.

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